Country of Confidence

I once told my counselor that going to Taiwan to find a job was the easiest thing I could think of. He looked at me like I was crazy; how could traveling halfway around the world to a country where I only slightly speak the language be easier?

America is terrifying. Is it just me or does it seem like everyone here knows what they’re doing? It’s like an entire country only filled with confident people. I know that this can’t possibly be true, but it is how America feels to me. I am insecure in every aspect here. Even after five years I am just waiting to do something stupid. I am nervous driving, shopping, going to class, and eating. Especially eating. There are so many things to cut here! Food is huge and there are so many utensils and there’s a right way to do everything!

Let’s get something straight; I am no less clumsy in Asia. I still drop things, trip over myself, and mispronounce words no matter what language I am speaking. But in Taiwan, no one expects any different. I am a foreigner and everyone can see that. Even though I lived there most of my life, I look like I shouldn't know what is going on. When I don’t know what is going on, no one judges me. I’m a stupid foreigner. 

I’m well aware that most people probably don’t care enough about some random girl in the supermarket to judge her misadventures in the checkout line, but for some reason I can’t shake the terrifying feeling that everyone took a class on life in America that I missed. California has helped a bit. There are so many people here that I can’t be the oddest person anyone has seen that day. Even still, I’m a window shopper, left observing the rest of the world as they naturally navigate every day life.